Fixed the Script for some of TLOK's Chapters'

Update on Ch.5:

Spoiler:

Snow should be way more surprised when he sees another Angelis. I also don't like the way Brine introduces himself at first. It's pretty corny. And the way he says "Let me continue my story" is also kind of lame.

The way the fight gets started is pretty cool, but I don't want it to end so quickly. And besides, I picture Brine to be way more cocky. He wouldn't be so afraid so quickly. So I suggest this instead for an ending:

Spoiler:

Well I wanted have brine be cocky but also have a touch of cowardice to him. But if that's not what you want so be it.

Also I have scenes I created for after Season 1 introducing another new villian: Onir, the Firebolt. A Phanteghor and a member of the Nigmarr Warlocks. He utilizes Thunder Magic, which often takes place to his sinister telepathic powers.

Spoiler:

Still rough, and WIP.

Chapter 5 script: (Rough Script)
(This scene takes place directly after the battle with the larger dragon.)
Korah: Wha-What…WHAT WAS THAT THING!!?
Snow: That was a greater wyrm. Greater Mountain Wyrm in this case.
Korah: A what…?
Snow: A rare species of flightless, mountain dwelling dragon, known for its heavily armoured hide, powerful leg muscles, crushing jaw strength, and it’s bellowing concussive roar. They aren’t usually found in this forest though…
Korah: Then why was it here?!
Snow: Well, I’m not certain, but I assume that it migrated from the mountains down to the forest because of the scarcity of prey; so it came here to find new sources of food. Frankly, the mountains have been much less alive in past years, so it’s more than likely; however, that’s only my guess. Korah: You think there might be more?
Snow: I do not believe so, they normally don’t travel together.
Korah: Good, because that dragon was probably one of the scariest animals I’ve ever seen.
Snow: Well, now that’s cleared up, why don’t we make our way out of here?
Korah: Good ide…
Korah: HEY! Hold on a minute!
Snow: What is it now, Korah?
Korah: Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could explain why you abandoned me to fend for myself in this gods’ forsaken forest.
Snow: That is none of your concern, boy.
Korah: None of my concern? NONE OF MY CONCERN!?
Korah: While you were doing Terra-knows-what at Terra-knows-where, I was being ambushed and getting beaten by an entire army of bandits! If anything, I deserve a damn explanation on why you weren’t there watching my back!
Snow: …
Korah: Well?! Answer me!
Snow: I…
Korah: (suddenly coughs up blood and falls on his knees)…Dammit.
Snow: You’re injured?
Korah: Yeah…Thanks for noticing.
Snow: (puts his right arm underneath Korah’s arm, and places Korah’s other arm over his shoulder.) Come on, we need to find shelter so we can dress these wounds of yours.
Korah: But what if the Bandits ambush us again?
Snow: With any luck, the Bandits will think we were eaten by that Great Mt. Wyrm.
Korah: What if they don’t?
Snow: Then this time, I’ll have your back.

(Little while later, in front of the old Angelis Forest Temple)
Snow: We should be safe here.
Korah: What is this place?
Snow: This is an Arris Temple, one of the few left built by my kind. It was a communal religious temple for my people, once upon a time. This is where I came after I left on your own; it is very sacred to me so… I wanted to visit this place on my own one last time. But seeing as how severe your wounds are, I suppose I can take you inside for you to heal.
(Shortly after, inside: Korah lies shirtless on a bed inside the temple clutching his wounds.)
Snow: Here, press these leaves against your wounds.
Korah: What is it?
Snow: It is the leaves of the Blue Holly, its leaves secretes a special juice that speeds up the healing process and helps to seal gashes and puncture wounds.(Korah takes the leaves and is about to place them.) Just be careful because it…
Korah: YEOW!!!
Snow: Packs quite a sting…
Korah: Thanks for the warning, Snow…
Korah: Y’know Snow, I don’t like being lied to.
Snow: Now when did I lie to you?
Korah: When you told me that the Soul Blades provided the user with invulnerability.
Snow: I never said that, I said that the swords’ magic provided with increased body resistance and rapid healing.
Korah: Oh yeah? Then why did that ability quit on me in the middle of my fight with the bandits?
Snow: Easy, you weren’t being efficient enough with your stamina and magical energy reserves. Plus, you were probably drawing more energy from your own body rather than from Firos Kattesai itself. To put simply, Korah, you over did it.
Korah: Then how come you can still stand and move with out a scratch on you after battled out with that dragon?
Snow: Korah, Korah, Korah. I have been alive long enough to learn, and to master, these sorts of things. This is why I am the master and you are my disciple.
Korah: Yeah, Yeah…
Snow: Don’t worry, I’ll teach how to do these things later on. For now, stay put.
Korah: Why, where are you going?
Snow: To get some food and water for us, we’re low on provisions anyway.
Korah: You’re going to leave me all alone again, especially while I’m vulnerable? What if the Bandits come back?
Snow: Don’t worry, this time I’ll seal off the temple doors and make sure there are not major breaches in the walls. No one should be able to get again except for myself.
Korah: No one will get in…Again?
Snow: Just try to sit still and relax, I won’t be gone very long.
Korah: You better not…!

(Meanwhile, Snow finds a decent sized spring in the forest.)
Snow: (leans down to take a sip of the water then gets up and wipes his lips) Ah, it is still as fresh and cool as I remember it. I better fill up my canteen and take some to Korah. (Snow leans down to fill his canteen, while 5 soldiers come out from the bushes and slowly surround him.
Snow: (Still leaning over) It took you cowards long enough to come out of hiding, didn’t it? (Stands up but is still facing the spring.)You didn’t think I would let myself be ambushed again did you? This time, I heightened my senses. I knew you were hiding, but I wanted you brutes to feel like you had the advantage for a brief time. (Turns around) I wanted to…
Snow: (shocked at what he sees) Those uniforms…It can’t be! (Draws his blade from its sheath) How did you men find me?!
Brine: I’ll answer that question. (Walks in front of his troops)
Brine: Well, this is a surprise! I didn’t think that one of my targets was a fellow Angelis, and a member of the Woodland tribe!
Snow: That… That’s impossible. You cannot… You can’t be real!
Brine: Oh, I am very much real. I exist as flesh and blood; just as you or these men do.
Snow: Your arms…Don’t tell me, you’re a member of the Oceanic tribe… But; how?
(His look goes from an astonished sorrow, to a serious anger.)
Snow: Why are you aiding Nergal’s soldiers?
Brine: Aiding them? I happen to be leading this small band of soldiers.
Snow: What…? Why?!
Brine: Isn’t it obvious? You forest dwellers really are stupid aren’t you! I suppose I might as well explain it to you, nice and slowly. I am Brine Mkrakken; third son of Tevel; I was taken from my home on Heaven’s Isle by a band of mercenaries hoping to sell me as a soldier to other nations because of my superior ability. I; am one of the adept.
Snow: Heaven’s Isle? I thought that was myth!
Brine: Myth?! Ha! The island is stronger even than the old city was said to be!
That Island is the last stronghold on of the Angelis civilization, however due to an “agreement” with the Island nation of Akira as long as we sold some of our adepts to their Mercenary Corps the Island would be kept secret; I was one of those adepts who were sold.
Snow: So…there is more of our kind left…? I never believed…
Brine: Of course there are more of us, you dolt. I, amongst three others, was being held on a small prison ship at sea to be taken to Konas. I managed to escape using my Water magic to sink the ship, free myself from my cell, and the shackles that held me. I alone escaped, as it should be; as it has always been. The strong live, and the weak perish. I managed to swim to land and make it quite a far distance before I was found by a troupe led by King Nergal himself. He offered me a deal; if I would become his personal sell-sword, working under him with my magnificent powers I would live in the lap of luxury and fortune. I, of course, accepted; and my life has been easier ever since then. All I have to do is kill a few peasants who dare speak out against Nergal and I get virtually anything I want.
Snow: So I assume his “highness” sent you to find me, correct?
Brine: Actually, he sent me trail a boy by the name of Korah. My orders are simple: I need to eliminate the Mongrel once he collects the second half, and take the Firos Kattesai from him… It seems however that the boy found a traveling companion instead. Seeing as how you are a fellow Angelis, I’ll cut you deal. You give me your half of Firos Kattesai and help me take the blade from the boy, and I’ll give a good word to Nergal, I’m sure he’d be willing to do what he did for me to you.
Snow: Stow it. Why don’t you take your men and leave this forest before my anger peaks.
Brine: *sigh* Too bad, this could’ve been easy. Still, Nergal will highly reward me this. (Brine lifts up his claw, and watery tendrils come from the spring and rapidly drag him in.
Brine: Take the blade from lifeless corpse after he drowns, then we go find the boy.
Snow: (Freezes the pond and bursts out of the ice with god-like speed and quickly takes out Brine’s men.) Now you’ve made me furious!
Brine: (with a stressed look on his face.) Even with power of Soul Blade, not even a normal Angelis could have done that! So you’re… an Adept too?
Snow: That I am, and added with the power Firos Kattesai, my powers are far greater than anything you could hope to fathom.

Brine: (At first he expresses anger, but then smirks.) Don’t get your blood in a flood. We'll see about your so called strength.
Snow: This is your last chance, leave this forest now or suffer your fate at my hands.
Brine: Not a chance.
(A quick battle goes on. At one point, Brine slashes but misses, Snow kicks him into a large tree and uses launches a few Blizzard Spheres at Brine, which freezes him to the tree. All except for his face. Snow approaches him)
Brine: (With a surprisingly calm face) And what are you going to do with me now?
Snow: (Places his blade up to Brine’s neck and begins to draw back)
Brine: You're going to kill a fellow Angelis?
Snow: Till now I’ve lived without… Besides it doesn’t matter what species you are: if you cross me you are as good as dead. You wouldn’t hesitate to do the same--
(Brine turns the ice into water and shoots it at Snow cutting his sentence off prematurely. Snow gets up quickly.)
Snow: You obviously can't win while I wield this blade.
Brine: By the time you kill me; more soldiers will arrive and fight you. They will continue to fight you long enough for you to forget who you're protecting.
(Snow gets confused for a moment. Then he yells)
Snow: You will never find Korah! He's safe.
Brine: I don't think that temple is very safe.
Snow: *Gasp*
No!
(Snow runs off and disappears in the trees. Brine walks towards the tress slowly.)
END

I love your edits Snow!
Just one mistake:

Brine wrote:

Take the blade from his lifeless corpse after he drowns, then we go find the boy.

You forgot to add "his" after "from" in that sentence. Or maybe that was my fault and youm simply didn't notice either. I dunno, it should be fixed now.

Also:

Snow wrote:

You will never find Korah! He's safe.

Seem's kinda outta character for Snow. Wouldn't something like this sound better?

Snow wrote:

Ha, the Korah is very safe in his current location. I doubt you or your men will ever find him.

Dhaes, The Umbrage wrote:

I love your edits Snow!
Just one mistake:

Brine wrote:

Take the blade from his lifeless corpse after he drowns, then we go find the boy.

You forgot to add "his" after "from" in that sentence. Or maybe that was my fault and youm simply didn't notice either. I dunno, it should be fixed now.

Also:

Snow wrote:

You will never find Korah! He's safe.

Seem's kinda outta character for Snow. Wouldn't something like this sound better?

Snow wrote:

Ha, the Korah is very safe in his current location. I doubt you or your men will ever find him.

Ah, I must have missed the his, thank you for pointing it out.

As I am still tinkering away, I have a bit more I'd like to change/add in. Your line change there is VERY welcome. Thanks.

Snow Taradien wrote:

Dhaes, The Umbrage wrote:

I love your edits Snow!
Just one mistake:

Brine wrote:

Take the blade from his lifeless corpse after he drowns, then we go find the boy.

You forgot to add "his" after "from" in that sentence. Or maybe that was my fault and youm simply didn't notice either. I dunno, it should be fixed now.

Also:

Snow wrote:

You will never find Korah! He's safe.

Seem's kinda outta character for Snow. Wouldn't something like this sound better?

Snow wrote:

Ha, the Korah is very safe in his current location. I doubt you or your men will ever find him.

Ah, I must have missed the his, thank you for pointing it out.

As I am still tinkering away, I have a bit more I'd like to change/add in. Your line change there is VERY welcome. Thanks.

Please do so.
And I'll start working on Ch.6 or something.

Alrighty then.

Also is you should prob change that last part because it reads "Ha, the Korah is very safe in his current location."

prob take away that THE cause you basicly called korah an item. "The Korah is very safe" Just doesn't seem right to me :/

Luciole2831 wrote:

Also is you should prob change that last part because it reads "Ha, the Korah is very safe in his current location."

prob take away that THE cause you basicly called korah an item. "The Korah is very safe" Just doesn't seem right to me :/

Way ahead of you buddy.

Thanks anyway.